


Self Destruction

by DrunkLivingLife



Category: brusnop
Genre: Anal Sex, Ben Bruce - Freeform, Benny Brusnop, Blowjobs, Cocaine, Danny Worsnop - Freeform, Depression, Drinking, Drugs, Drunk Sex, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Jack Daniels, Love, Lust, M/M, Self Harm, Sex, Top Danny, Tour Bus, Tour Bus Sex, Touring, bestfriends, booze, bottom Ben, brusnop - Freeform, great sex, handjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-07 02:26:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6781651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrunkLivingLife/pseuds/DrunkLivingLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asking Alexandria is touring the US. The guys just released their second album "reckless & relentless". Everybody's scared that they're gonna kill themselves by drinking too much and doing too many drugs. Also, Ben begins to catch some feelings for his besfriend, Danny. He knows that Danny's straight for sure but his heart can't seem to understand the situation. Will Ben tell Danny and risk ruining their friendship or keep it to himself and deal with the heartache?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“This will not end well for us. All the partying, and all the drinking, and…” Our tour manager, Kyle, paused and directly looked at Danny before he continued “And especially the drugs I want you guys to tone it down. No drinking before shows and that includes you too James we don’t want you fucking up again tonight.” James groaned but didn’t say anything and just held his head tighter. I knew that feeling. We all knew that feeling very well. In fact we were all experiencing it and suffering from it as well.  
“I’m way too hungover for this conversation” Danny said and got up and left towards the bunk area in our tour bus. And yes that’s what I was talking about, being hungover. That’s exactly what we were suffering from and our tour manager yelling at us wasn’t helping the situation either.  
“Somebody needs to open up your eyes before all of you end up six feet under ground, and that person is definitely not me because I have stuff to do and don’t have the time or patience to take care of you guys. I wanna see you all at 4 all ready and SOBER for soundcheck.” And with that he walked out.  
“Fucking finally my head’s killing me.” Cam said and dropped himself on the couch and just laid down.  
“Don’t worry kids, I got this.” Sam the always responsible one said in a deep voice which made us all laugh. I don’t know how he did it I mean he could party all night and still take care of everyone without needing anyone to take care of him. He was like the parent that we all so badly needed in situations like this one. He handed each of us a pill and a glass of water. We all thanked him and took our pills in hopes of getting better soon hopefully. I decided to just go and lay down in my bunk since we had around 3 hours until soundcheck. I walked in the bunk area and towards my bunk but a voice stopped me from getting in. The same voice that I found myself getting attracted to more and more everyday. And yes I’m talking about Danny, my bestfriend’s voice.  
“Going to bed alone again?” Danny asked with a teasing tone. I giggled and turned to face him. He was laying in his bunk and his curtain was just open enough for me to see his face.  
“I’m still a little sore from last night I’ve to take a break mate.” I finished my sentence with a wink which made him laugh. Obviously I was joking, we didn’t actually fuck. now that’d be weird since we were both two completely straight men… well sorta, and we were also bestfriends so it’d be weird. we’d always joke about fucking each other and secretly being “together” though but it was all just a bunch of bullshit. We both just really enjoyed saying things that’d make other people feel uncomfortable like to the point where it became one of our hobbies and it also was our thing now like people would refer to us as “the immature guys who won’t stop with their stupid penis jokes” which was fine by me.  
“I was about to start a movie wanna join in?” Danny asked. That was another thing about us, we were really close. We’d sleep in the same bed or take showers together or cuddle for hours and watch movies together and we were still just friends, there was really nothing weird about it at least we didn’t see anything wrong or weird with it.  
“You already know the answer mate.” I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and got in Danny’s bunk and under the covers. The bunks we had were pretty small so you could imagine how packed it was. That’s basically all we did for another hour or so until I started to feel uncomfortable because my body was in a weird position. I didn’t wanna lean into Danny too much but he noticed that I was trying to get comfortable so he wrapped one of his arms around me and made me lean into him. He was so warm and his body was for sure better than any pillow I’ve ever had. I put my head on his chest and before I knew it I fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey... wake up sleeping beauty I need to pee." a voice said and then I felt someone's hand shaking me.   
"It's not time yet." I mumbled.  
"What the fuck are you saying mate?" Oh that was definitely Danny's voice and laughter. I opened my eyes to see him smiling down at me. He was holding himself up on one elbow and for a second I thought about the amount of people that'd kill to be in my position right now. I mean being this close to Danny or being in the same bed as him. I wouldn't blame them though I mean Danny was this extremely attractive guy who just happened to be really fucking talented and famous too. I've seen girls sometimes even beg him to fuck them and afterwards they say thank you. I could only imagine the things that Danny could do in bed... Fuck...  
I shook my head and mentally slapped myself for thinking about something that I had promised myself I'd never ever think about again, and that's thinking about Danny in a sexual way because the last time I did that I ended up with a boner and I was so confused because I wasn't even thinking about him fucking a blonde bitch or anything like that, I was just thinking about his body. It was just confusing in so many fucking ways because he doesn't even have a body worth drooling over so I don't know what happened there.   
"Ben?" Danny said sounding a bit irritated. Oh fuck, I had completely zoned out and I didn't hear a word he said. I must've looked like an idiot just staring at him and not saying a word.  
"Sorry what was that?" I tried to pull myself together quickly.  
"I said I really need to fucking piss mate" I mumbled a sorry and got out of his bunk and out of his way so he could get out as well. He hurried and and got out and ran to the bathroom. Just seeing him running to go piss like a little kid was enough to make me giggle, in a very manly way of course. I stopped thinking about Danny though when I heard someone walking in the bunk area. I turned towards the door which lead to the main room and saw boy Sam walking in with a smile on his face.  
"Soundcheck's in 30 minutes mate you better start getting ready since you take forever." I just nodded my head and turned to my bunk to look for my phone.  
"Ben..." Sam said in a worried tone so I turned quickly and looked at him, he only ever used that tone when something was wrong.  
"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.  
"It's just that I saw you and Danny and..." he sighed "It's just that I don't want you to get hurt that's all. And I see the way you look at him, I've known you for ages mate I can tell that you still like him and that's not good since we both know that Danny completely straight. You should stop before this situation starts to get out of control." He finished with yet another sigh and looked down. I had no idea what to say. I didn't wanna accept that what he said was true but deep down I knew that it was perfectly true and that bothered me. I hadn't told him but the thing was that I had been trying so hard to get Danny off my mind but it just wasn't working for some reason and just to make myself feel better I started to tell myself that everything was fine and I was over him. I didn't even know how to respond to all of that. I definitely didn't want to tell him the truth that was for sure. So I did what I've been doing well for a while now. I lied.  
"I told you it was just a phase. I never really liked him. And everything's back to normal now and me and Danny are just friends that's all. That's all we'll ever be." I said the last part in a quiet voice. I couldn't help the sadness that came along with that last sentence because those words hurt more that I thought they would. I knew that Danny was straight but saying that we'll never be anything more than friends made it real and that got my feelings all over the place. I felt like crying all of a sudden but that wasn't me! I'd never cry over things. I was supposed to not give a shit about anything. I'm Ben motherfucking Bruce, the careless, heartless, and annoying one who always just fucked around and never thought about anything. What the fuck happened to me?  
Oh fuck I've been just staring at Sam. That's been happening a lot and it was starting to get really annoying.  
"I have to... um go take a shower I stink." I told Sam in a hurried tone. I just had to get out of there and be alone so I could figure myself out which was a really hard thing to do since we were on tour and always had to communicate with a lot of people. Sam just gave me that sad smile and nodded. I didn't say another word and just left and walked towards the bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

When I got to the door I opened it right away. It was like I was on autopilot and was too busy thinking about other things that I fucking forgot that there might be someone in the bathroom. And there was someone... naked... all souped up and in the shower...  
My whole entire body went hot as I quickly scanned the body that I'd been dreaming about for a while now. I loved and wanted what I saw badly. It was perfect, just perfect. He was perfect... fuck...  
"I know I'm sexy mate no need to stare." I was brought back to reality by Danny's voice. I looked away quickly and tried to hide my shaky hands. I felt like I was caught doing something I shouldn't be doing... Something really bad. And I hated myself for that. I hated myself for liking him and his goddamn perfect body. I said the first thing that came to mind.  
"Sorry I needed to piss I didn't know anyone would be here." I made a move to walk back out but he stopped me.  
"Oh go ahead then it's not I haven't seen it before." He smirked and winked at me. I just laughed cause I didn't exactly know how to tell him that my body went even hotter when he winked at me and smirked like that.  
I closed the door and walked towards the toilet. I actually felt nervous. It was stupid cause he's seen me naked so many times before. We'd even fucked the same chick before. I was acting weird. I had to be as normal as I could. I just unzipped my black jeans and pulled them down just so I could take my penis out and piss. The bathroom was really small so I was basically right next to Danny. I glanced at him over my shoulder. His eyes moved up to my eyes quickly and I gave him a weird look but then turned back quickly. What the hell was he looking at? I swear I wasn't on drugs He was literally looking at my ass! I smiled. What the fuck why was I smiling?!  
Oh god I was just so confused. I just finished my business and did my pants back up and went to walk out when Danny stopped me once again.  
"Fuck I forgot my towel mate it's in the closet right outside the bathroom can you get it for me?"   
"Yea sure." I walked out without looking at him again and closed the door. I looked for his towel and found it after a few minutes. It took me a few minutes because I saw one of his shirts that I always loved in his closet. I could imagine him wearing it and looking hot as fuck. I smiled while holding the shirt. I wish I could hold him though, I could even smell his cologne. I put it back though cause he was still waiting for me to bring him his towel. I opened the door without knocking again. He was standing in front of the mirror but turned the second I walked in. I held the towel out for him and mumbled a 'here'. He was just looking into my eyes though. He looked really fucking hot with his wet hair. And water droplets running down his body. I'd do so many things to him if he wasn't straight.  
"Close the door" He said quietly. I gave him a confused look but did what I was told anyway. I closed the door and leaned against it. I was still holding the towel but he grabbed it from my hand and threw it on the ground. What the fuck was he doing.  
"D-Dan what's going on?" why the fuck did I stutter?! Ugh.   
He didn't answer me though he just kept looking into my eyes with that expression on his face that I couldn't read. He took a step towards me, and then another, and another. He was standing so close to me that my breathing sped up.   
"I just... I just wanna..." He mumbled something else too but I didn't understand it.   
"What?" I almost whispered. He didn't answer. His eyes wandered down my body and the first thing I did was to put my hand over my semi but noticeable hard on. But of course he knew now he wasn't stupid. He knew that he was having this affect on me. He moved even closer to me and grabbed my hands, moved them away and instead pressed his body against mine. My breathing hitched. His body pressed up against mine felt so, soo good. I wanted him closer. I wanted all of him. I needed him then and there.


	4. Chapter 4

I looked back into his eye. He looked really confused like he didn't understand what he was doing or why he was doing it. He frowned but then his face softened quickly and he leaned in. I closed my eyes and felt his lips pressed against mine. My whole body was filled with this warmth that I've never felt before. My heart was pounding quickly in my chest. He started moving his lips and soon we were moving in sync. His hands touched my hips and it was like electricity ran through my body. He ran his hands up and down my sides. I was shaking at that point. I loved what he was doing to me and I wanted to continue and just keep my body in that state of pleasure. I couldn't get what I wanted thou cause of course our moment had to be ruined by...

"Danny you're fucking taking ages mate what the fuck are you doing?" James said sounding annoyed. I looked at Danny in shock.

"I'll be out in a few now fuck off." Danny practically yelled towards the door. We were still standing really close to each other and now that i wasn't in the heat of the moment the realization of what we did hit me. Danny had fucking kissed me! How even did that happen?

I heard James say 'whatever' and walk away.

"You go out first i'll stick around for a bit longer." Danny said quickly. I nodded and went along with his plan. I mean i didn't want people knowing about me and Danny or even just me in general i quickly walked out and went to get ready for soundcheck.


	5. Chapter 5

_ This is fucking horrible! _

First of all what the fuck was Danny thinking going on and kissing me? And then he walks around pretending like nothing had happened? But that's not even the worst part, the worst part is that everytime I look at him, or well more specifically his lips I'm reminded of when he kissed me. I could still feel him. I could still feel his warm body pressed up against mine. It was already bad enough that my besfriend had kissed me but what was even worse was me wanting it to somehow happen again which was really dumb cause why would I even want that? I didn't even like Danny like that or at least that's what I wanted myself to think.

I looked over at Danny who was standing in the corner of the backroom that we were all in, flirting with some blonde bitch. They were standing awfully close and that made me feel really uncomfortable. I rolled my eyes and just walked out of that room. I needed some fresh air, and maybe a cigarette or 5. We had to go on stage in about 20 minutes or something and that was the only thing that kept me going. Just seeing everyone's excited and happy faces in the crowd was the only thing that made me happy these days. I was leaning against the wall when the door opened next to me and out walked…

“Hey loser” Danny said with a giggle. I just smiled at him but it was one of those forced smiles that'd physically hurt if u kept it on for more than 2 seconds. He noticed it too I mean after all he knew me better than I even knew myself sometimes. The dude was my besfriend of course he'd know.

“something wrong?” he asked with a straight face.

“no just a bit tired that's all” I shrugged

“can I have a cigarette?” I just nodded and held my pack out for him and after he took one out I threw him my lighter. 

“so are we ever gonna talk about it?” I asked. I felt kinda nervous to be completely honest.

“bout what?” he said pretending he had no clue what I was talking about. I rolled my eyes at him and looked away. 

“Fucking whatever Dan” 

Danny moved in front of me and stood maybe even a little bit too close for my liking but it was still alright. 

“look, I'm sorry." He sighed "okay if I'm honest I've been avoiding the topic but I know exactly what you're talking about. The kiss. I didn't mean to do it. I know that you think that I'm probably some fucking fag who tried to throw himself at you. But it's really not like that. I don't have a good enough reason and I'm sorry if I grossed you out or some shit. But I do have a reason for it...” he trailed off and looked down. He thought that I was grossed out cause he'd kissed me? What a fucking idiot. There was definitely something wrong with him though because when he looked back up into my eyes I saw tears forming in his beautiful sadlooking eyes.

“then what is it? I just need to know why you did it. You can tell me anything I don't care” I asked desperately. I wish I'd never asked that question though because his answer made me feel sick and broken because I definitely wasn't  expecting anything even remotely close to his answer.

 

“I just really miss Myca… I-I think I might be” he paused for a few moments then took a deep breath and continued “in love with her.”


	6. Chapter 6

It was like I got hit by a truck. Those simple words had such great impact on me. I couldn't believe he loved somebody else. 

_Wait so did that mean I was expecting him to say he loved me?_

I shook my head to stop the thoughts. 

_I wasn't expecting shit from Danny and that is final._

I forced myself to think.

"I don't want to feel like this though I don't think it's time for me to settle down and get stuck in loveland." He said in a semi sad tone, it was only his giggle at the end that made it sound a bit better.

"What? What do you mean?" I was confused what was he getting at here? Although I did feel a little bit better knowing that he didn't want to be in love her.

"It's like hard to explain but I feel like I haven't been me in such a long time. I mean when was the last time you saw me fucking around? Myca has changed me a lot and it'd be fucking stupid for me to settle down for one girl when I could fucking have as many girls as I want. I just feel like I'm not having the time of my life" he was looking directly into my eyes waiting for me to help and guide him like the great friend that I was. I honestly didn't know what to say though.

"So... what, you're saying you wanna break up with her cause you think you love her?" i said like i was unsure about what i was saying. He groaned and nervously ran his hands through his messy hair making it even more messier. But fucking hell he looked hot. No matter how messy his hair was or how terrible his outfit looked with his cowboy boots not matching anything else that he was wearing, he was still Danny, the same Danny that I just wanted to have on top of me in bed right at that exact moment.

"I don't know yet I need to go out and try different things or different women out i think that'd make me realize that Myca is just another one like any other girl out there." Oh that was actually smart. I mean it was awfully unfair to Myca though.

"But aren't you gonna break it off with her first and then move on to other people? I mean after all she doesn't deserve to be cheated on like that" I said quietly.

"Benjamin Paul Bruce, when did you turn into my mom?" he smirked. Oh fuck... his dimples...

I cleared my throat and mentally slapped myself for thinking about Danny like that over and over again.

"I didn't. I don't give a fuck do whatever you want Dan." He didn't say anything he just nodded his head and threw his cigarette on the floor and walked back in the venue.

I was once again left alone. I thought about what he'd said. I guess it wasn't that bad that he wanted to fuck around again cause you know what that meant?

He'd be getting wasted drunk or high again every night and that could give me a chance to get closer to him without having to worry about him remembering anything the next day.

I smirked at my own thoughts about Danny that were running wild in my head. When did I become a sexually frustrated teenager again? All I could and wanted to think about was Danny, his body, and his hands on my body. Fuck... I needed to get laid. I looked down at my pants. I groaned and rolled my eyes. Thanks to Danny I had a pretty noticeable bulge. I fucking hated myself.

I finished my cigarette and waited a bit longer for my little "problem" to go away and then I walked back in the venue after taking a deep breath to get some more of the cool night's fresh air in my lungs. 


End file.
